About the Author
Born in 1969
For the past eight years she has done weekly, nationwide radio shows and has just had her first short story published.
“A happy person is not a
person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set
we start, I want to say that I know where you are standing because I’ve been
there. I married at 24, had a child, and at the ripe age of 30 found myself
divorced. For many years being single, like you, was my choice but one day I
woke up and decided that I no longer wished to be single. Easier said than done!
The rules of Dating had changed and instead of being wooed by a string of
suitors with flowers and champagne I found myself stranded in a dingy riding a
Tsunami. I was way out of my depth. Where to start was the first hiccup I
encountered. How, when one decides to no longer be single does one go about it?
What steps are involved, is there an easy, quick fix solution?
the short answer to that is yes. There is.
the rules have changed and yes, sometimes it can be like navigating your way
through a minefield but hey, so is childbirth and people still do that!
my weekly radio shows that I now do I talk with women about men. Their
relationships, expectations, emotional boundaries and self-confidence but found
that there are women who, just like I had been, don’t have the first clue as
to how to even start.
the following pages are a step by step guide using tried and tested (by myself,
friends, acquaintances and clients) man meeting methods which will show you how
to change your single status into ‘coupledom’.
begin this process we are going to work together to change your man antenna and
this will happen by updating your physical (and mental) outlook, redefining and
enhancing your expectations then clarifying your emotional boundaries. The next
step in our journey is finding where men live, work and play and last but not
least, how to navigate your way through the first 3 dates. It’s that easy…so
let’s get started.
“I don’t look like Cindy
Crawford when I wake up.”
first step we are going to take towards the new ‘In-a-couple-and-loving-it’
you, is the first impression – clothing. We are going to do this because you
and I have both watched women as they walked down the street, had coffee, sat at
restaurants and mixed and mingled in bars and said to ourselves and our friends
smugly, “What were they thinking when they got dressed?” But have you had a
good look at your wardrobe recently and can you be absolutely sure that no one
has ever said that about you?
before I go deeper into the why’s, how’s and wherefore’s of your wardrobe
I am going to share a story about one of my clients, ‘F’.
had talked with ‘F’, an out of town client on the phone for two months
before she was able to come to
had described to me a well-read, intelligent, attractive businesswoman and
through the two phone calls that we shared, I knew that she did actually own
these qualities and I was looking forward to our date. I arrived at the
restaurant 15 minutes early and ordered a bottle of wine anticipating an
enjoyable evening ahead. Unfortunately the woman who turned up did not bear any
resemblance to the lady I was expecting to meet. As much as she had an all-right
figure, her skirt did not do her justice and only just covered her generous
behind. Her top was better but every time she leant over there was nothing left
to the imagination and instead of looking hip she just looked nasty.” ‘F’
did most of the talking (about relationships and what she wanted) but I just
wasn’t there emotionally any more and left pretty early. I was expecting a
smart, attractive, successful woman and while she may be smart and successful,
she hid it really well.”
issue regarding second dates was easily fixed (she is an extremely quick
learner) and she is now happily living with her fiancé.
I want you to go and have a look at yourself in the mirror. Now I want to ask
you a question…if you were to meet your perfect man today, right now, would
you feel confident about the way you look or are you doing an ‘F’ on me?
‘F’ in work attire looked fabulous…in a social situation on the other hand
she dressed 20 years too young. She tried too hard to be hip and wear the latest
fashion but it just did not work for her age or her body type.
there are two questions that we need to address here:
the clothes you are wearing fashionable?
they suit your body type?
me give you an example…
am 175cm with brown eyes and an olive complexion while my sister is 165cm blonde
with green eyes. We are both attractive in our own way yet there is no way on
God’s green earth that we can both wear the same type of clothes, at the same
time and look good.
the rational part of our brain we all know that clothes come in sizes ranging
from a size 8 to a size 18. What the irrational part of our brain doesn’t
compute is that some of us are tall and some of us are short which for obvious
reasons will change how the clothes look on us. Whether clothes suit us or not
is not to do with our width but our height.
I have in my wardrobe as an all time favourite is a fabulous black skirt that I
can wear anywhere, anytime, with anyone that makes me feel like a million
dollars. It is long, so embraces my height and is cut in such a way that makes
my hips look exotically tantalising rather than large. It emphasizes all my good
points and detracts from my negative ones. As I said, great cut.
sister on the other hand has the most amazing red dress (it clings in all the
right places and has this amazing mid calf hemline) which if I am honest I
secretly desire but that’s where it stays with me - in my dreams. It would not
matter if I lost 40 pounds or was 17 years old I would still look like Molly
Muppet on a bad day - it is just a shorter woman’s dress and I am tall.
makes sense when I explain it like that, right? But I constantly hear women
complain of being too fat or too thin, that their butt is too large or their
breasts aren’t large enough and right here, right now I want you to STOP
putting yourself down.
next time you go into a shop to buy a new outfit – trousers, top or a jacket
– instead of thinking, “This doesn’t suit me I am too fat (or skinny),”
instead I want you to think, “This doesn’t work for my height, let me go and
have another look at something which may suit me better.” Another cunning plan
is for you to ‘copycat’ a movie star. Now when I say this I do not mean
throw ‘diva-like’ tantrums but rather find a movie star who has a similar
height to you. Check out the kind of clothes that she wears. This is good for
get to see what is in fashion and therefore step out of your current comfort
has a professional person who consults with her re her wardrobe so that she only
wears clothes that enhance her looks.
you have a negative thought creeping into your head I want you to think of my
piranha and shark analogy – it’s not the size it’s the attitude baby!
Decide to be brave, take back your power and celebrate your difference.
the billion dollar question is, what IS your best feature?
you do not know or it is not immediately noticeable to you stop and ask your
best friend, sister, Mum or maybe your own children. These are the people that
care about you and want to see you happy and if you are honest here maybe they
have already tried to drop hints to you.
you have accurately looked at your body and decided which is your best physical
feature (and had everyone else’s opinion too) you need to clean out that
wardrobe of yours. This is a very simple job but one that we all tend to
procrastinate over and put off for another day. Today is your day.
are going to simplify your wardrobe and we are going to do this in two parts:
out any clothes you have not worn in the last year. If you have not worn them in
this time frame you are not going to – you know this, bin it.
that are a little tight, too young, too old, too over the top or just too last
season – bin, bin and bin!
you are holding onto clothes that you used to fit you need to remember two
things - if you haven’t lost the weight already then you are not going to
miraculously lose it while you sleep. In having said this you do have the choice
of joining a weight loss program.
you do choose to become a member of Sureslim (www.sureslim.co.nz) Jenny Craig (www.jennycraig.com.au)
or Weight Watchers (www.weightwatchers.co.nz) by all means do so but please
will not lose weight from where your clothes are already tight (go figure but
Murphy’s Law) and you will want a new wardrobe to celebrate the new you
the items (tops, trousers or skirts) that enhance your particular feature(s) and
replace with care back into your wardrobe. What you need to remember here is
that you should not just keep an item just because you wear it a lot. Often we
have clothes that make us feel comfortable but in reality do not do us any
favours in the ‘wow, that is one stylish woman’ vibe that we are looking
for, so be strong here. That which does not enhance your figure- bin!
is a woman’s best friend.
are a few basic dress tips:
is always flattering (in case you missed it the first time!).
you do not immediately feel good in a top/trousers/skirt then it is guaranteed
you are not going to look that hot. DO NOT let the salesperson sell it to you
but if that advice is too late, for gods sake don’t wear it out as you are not
doing yourself any favours.
back and check out magazines that have your movie star mentor in it. As we all
know women’s magazines are harsh fashion critics so check out outfits that she
wore. If she got the ok when she wore it chances are so will you.
are a couple of good sites that will help you to enhance your particular fine
point(s) and detract from those features you wish belonged to your ex’s new
the infamous words of
“In order to be
irreplaceable, one must always be different.”
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(c)2007 Poseidon Books All rights reserved.